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<title>The Pain of Not Being in Pain by Ladyhawk_lhflu</title>
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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23706976">The Pain of Not Being in Pain</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ladyhawk_lhflu/pseuds/Ladyhawk_lhflu'>Ladyhawk_lhflu</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Bijou [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Stargate - All Media Types, Stargate Atlantis</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>BDSM, Developing Relationship, Dom/sub, M/M, Trust</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 20:08:54</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,084</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23706976</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ladyhawk_lhflu/pseuds/Ladyhawk_lhflu</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Being treated with respect was an insult? Rodney had trouble understanding people. But even he knew that idea was ludicrous.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Rodney McKay/John Sheppard</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Bijou [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/758094</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>35</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>The Pain of Not Being in Pain</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This needs editing, but it's the first thing I've been able to write since Covid hit. I consider it an accomplishment.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Rodney watched John talk with Teyla as the walked into the Atlantis gateroom. He was glad for Teyla's calm presence, especially when the situation was stressful enough to put John on edge. Because outside their private lives, it was John's job to keep Rodney, and the others under his command, calm.</p><p>But after their briefing, the roles would reverse, at least for him and the major. It made him worried. Because John almost immediately started talking about pain. Wanting pain. Rodney had to hold in shudders as he listened to the head of the military contingent describe how he wanted to be beat upon, to control the turmoil inside him.</p><p>As if that wasn't bad enough, John also wanted to be humiliated, scolded and insulted. This was worse than the plea for pain. Although Rodney insulted people regularly, doing it as a way to give affection bothered him greatly. The harm he could do the major made him shy away from the idea.</p><p>Still, the astrophysicist followed John to his quarters after their briefing. He sat on John's bed as John knelt before him. </p><p>This was now familiar territory. John chose to be his this way to control the demons inside him, or so he said. Kneeling seemed to calm John after missions. Rodney checked that off on his mental list of 'good things to do with John.' Swimming together was another thing that seemed to return the major's equilibrium. Another check on his list. Sleeping in the same bed, yet another check.</p><p>Rodney figured that sex, when they came to it, would be checked as well. He already liked touching and kissing John. But although he knew that his submissive would accept sex if he demanded it, well, they didn't have to rush. Rodney had rushed into sex too many times and been hurt by it. Maybe he could do better this time.</p><p>The humiliation John wanted, that Rodney put on his 'no' checklist. He was the dominant, after all. By agreement, he did have the right to refuse anything John asked for. John had, in essence, given up his right to refuse Rodney. Rodney knew this, but ignored it. If John didn't want something that Rodney asked for (or demanded), they needed to talk about it. Neither of them was good at such things, but Rodney would try it, for the sake of the relationship growing between them.</p><p>That part was where he agreed with John's manuals of how to be in this type of relationship. Communication was key, learning about each other was essential. But so was respect. He knew John's previous dominants had shown him very little of that. But how could Rodney not respect the man in front of him? John had already saved their mission a few times even though they had barely been on Atlantis two months, and wasn't showing any signs of changing his ways.</p><p>Rodney ran a hand through John's hair. John shivered, as he often did when Rodney was gentle with him. When Rodney had asked him about it, John had shrugged. "I'm not used to it," was all the major had said.</p><p>Of course, Sheppard's previous dominants were responsible. From what John told him of Wolf, Rodney deduced he took his frustrations out on John. And Sumner...well, there had been no chance to get used to kindness there.</p><p>Rodney was determined to get John used to it. Being handled with care was a major advantage of having relationships. It was why Rodney tolerated his sister's griping about his griping.</p><p>He found that he liked handling his submissive with care. He also appreciated when John returned the favor. So when John shifted on his knees to remove Rodney's sneakers, Rodney whispered, "Thank you."</p><p>John frowned as he dared a look up into Rodney's face. Not that Rodney was going to scold him for it. Hell, John had nice eyes. But his submissive had deemed that Rodney should get all the respect. To a submissive, not looking up was respectful.</p><p>Ok, Rodney could see that. A dominant was like a ruler over one person. But good rulers gave back to their subjects. They thanked them. They appreciated them. So he pulled John to him for a kiss.</p><p>John rested his head on Rodney's stomach for a moment afterwards. But he shifted quickly, restlessly.</p><p>This caused him to bump against Rodney's sore knee. They had had to run to the gate this morning. Rodney had tripped and landed on his knee. Carson had helped him ice it earlier. It had felt better since then.</p><p>But John had just caused a shooting pain in it. So Rodney pinched him to get his attention.</p><p>To Rodney's shock, John moaned. The kind of moan one lets out when the right body part is touched in the right way.</p><p>"Thank you, Maitre," John put his head on Rodney's good knee.</p><p>Rodney sat in amazement for a few moments before recovering his composure. "I will do it again if you rub my knee...gently."</p><p>John looked up into Rodney's face at that as he realized what he had done. "Oops," he murmured, for a moment losing all sense of submissiveness. Sheepishness, however, was plain of his face.</p><p>"Yeah," Rodney replied with a small chuckle. "Don't jostle my knee again."</p><p>"Of course not, Maitre," John said as he started stroking Rodney's knee very softly. </p><p>Rodney sighed as the ache of the injury subsided. As promised, he gave John the pain he wanted. But this time, he reached under his submissive's shirt to pinch a nipple as he whispered, "Thank you, bijou."</p><p>The mixture of pleasure and shock on John's face made Rodney grin.</p><p>"So you like pain. Fine," Rodney whispered as he closed his fingers around John's tightened skin again. "Carson could probably give me a dissertation on how that works. But I think you want humiliation because that's how you got the pinches or slaps that you like. So I'm changing the rules. I'll give you those things when I want to appreciate you. Without dragging you through the proverbial mud."</p><p>John gave Rodney a frown, but Rodney refused to back down. "You're my submissive. You play by my rules or go elsewhere for what you want."</p><p>"I'm not going anywhere, Maitre." John laid his head back on Rodney's good knee. This time, when Rodney stroked John's hair, John let out a nearly inaudible purr.</p><p>For the first time since their relationship began, Rodney began to see John as *his*.</p>
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